ownership is...?

failure to change address

dear Love,
“take me in your arms tonight, so i can take my rest” sings the radio. I wanted to pause. I feel as if my limbs were severed from my body and my whole being is aching for you. So I am here. speeding, exhaustion, hallucinating. I stumble up the stairs. Black cats, hundreds jumping. unlatch the door. tiny black solider ants munching. on a surreal fish skin, left over last night from my protein pep talk, I am strung out. I am unable to perceive an end. I have worked relentlessly -more then I knew myself capable, yet slow slow slow is my progress.
I take this pause now to fight tears
and
to tell you of this strange isolated journey I have been experiencing. Your departure I am on hour 84. I have slept 11 of those. Now I walk outside, in my winter coat, 60 degrees and snowing. I don’t recognize my hands. they feel blackened and I wonder if they will rot away and crumble into charcoal. I see you, stoking a fire, i forget my orientation in this empty cold studio cell I’ve been confined to. I am in the woods and the crickets the damp chill on the back of my neck. I am insane and I have been in a moment of continuousness. I imagine us together, and I feel your skin, your curly hair between my fingers, the back of your neck, to separate us such a swollen sin.
I will finish these with grace. I refuse to do it any other way.

and your body, we will meet again
if only I escape this self induced tunnel
on step. inspirational
flying and inspired at dawn
missing yo hips along my hips.
Tomorrow this all ends.
all my love
-#187600DoFW <failure to change address>

twist and shout

B-,
you say goodbye & I say hello!
looking up, i noticed i was late
jump the gun -Just like I knew you would!
You could find better things to do
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
It’s beautiful and so are you
And I do appreciate you being ‘round.
singing in the dead of night,
The thrill of it all
you made me glad when I was blue
sometimes think it’s me, but you know I know when it’s a dream.
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
There will be no sorrow, let it be.
And then while I’m away,
in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
shake it up baby! It’s easy!
you know, I get by with a little help from my friends!

Artless Bliss

When I fell in love I stopped writing so much, I stopped blogging, I stopped trying to find new music to listen to, and I stopped drinking the little bit that I did. :I think some of these things will come back to me in time, but for now I’m in more of an artless bliss.

extra special bonus points

Very much in the mind set for writing this afternoon
this morning
this week even.

both personal and professional
i adopted some sort of new mantra yesterday; in honor of Kaci adopting a new mantra, naturally.
Mine is
well I haven’t found the words yet.
But lubrication
don’t be crass now, I’m speaking strictly business
business of all kinds
and mostly the monkey varieties

I’m in a dream haze.
I’m sitting very still and very relaxed amongst a red room of clutter and chaos
If you told me I am drugged, I’d believe you.
You’d believe you too.

kickin it, the Rochester modern techno, electronic whine way.
This is the best place that music makes sense.

I realized when I told loved ones my latest news
the excitement they expressed came from a deeper place than mere good wishes for my happiness
no, no. This was a deep rooted sigh of relief
“Oh. Thank god! She will take a step into adulthood so we know what to make of her…

My eyes falling asleep
in this very public place
I slept on your heavy chest, your very strong shoulders,

look at me
all of this down, listen to what I have to say, it sucks you away, it grinds away at your very soul
by eliminating myself from that system

This is why I love photography:

This is what I’m seeing with this work:

extra special bonus point for those secretly in love
extra secret beauty

sleep deprived happy

What a woman really wants,
is what
is a nap
my eyes are so sleepy
my work not even broached

she wants an easiness in the day to day time together
she wants the attention and compliments of many
the loyalty of one
one who will
appreciate her for all that she is
and all that she is not
who will
only be attracted to other women when she isn’t present to sense it
be interested and dedicated to developing a friendship and passion filled partnership
who will see the endless possibilities for variety and growth within her alone
one who is invested in his personal well being
one who will act without regard for total reason at times
one who will laugh at life’s awkward quirks
and appreciate tacky jokes when making love
one who makes sweet sweet love
and
dirty sweet love
and
values time for talking
about the day
about the past
about plans
one who is sweet on a label
one who’s body resembles a greek god wrapped in soft sheets
and minds not, waking to blue light morning love

my flowers from your hand are in full bloom on my dresser
when I contently shrug my shoulders in my mirror
I watch them breath in my perfume
and I think, there’s no hurry for you at all.
The most unique feeling about spending time with you
is that there is never a rush.
to make any proclamations
to draw any ultimatums
to finalize

No matter what, I suppose, there is always room for insecurities
naturally.
and my words always turn to riddles
I make no apologies
but clarification is always a topic I’ll put on the table
you say the word darling,

you’ve earned my trust
you are patient with my fumbling
and for those, I could not ask for much more
so, lets call this us.